I have caught myself numerous times continuously complaining about every little thing there is. Jobs. People. Places. And when I wasn’t going through something in real life, my mind had no problem just…creating all these scenes that weren’t even real. Everything just got on my nerves. I didn’t give it much thought, until this past weekend. I hadn’t been spending much needed time with myself, and neglected some mental care. I asked Self, why so negative? I knew the answer but I thought maybe I’d discover more.
I did when I fell asleep on the couch and had a dream, or a series of dreams, where I was with some family members but found myself getting continuously left behind. They didn’t wait for me, just told me what they were doing and proceeded to get their things and leave.Read More »
After feeling very uncertain and lost, I think I know for sure (as of right now) what I want to do. But the road is still full of questions.
Ever since I got my license and first started looking for jobs years ago, there was always a feeling of total “UGH” jolting in my stomach when I’d even just think about going to one of those job sites. This intense feeling of dissatisfaction and hindrance. Sure, no one really likes looking for jobs. But it was always this immediate knowing inside of me that was saying, you weren’t meant to live this. No, this isn’t for you. I’ve tried to ignore it for the most part. I still have bills and while I live with my family, they’re also in retirement age after working pretty much all their lives, so while I’m aiming to eventually move, I also feel I must pick up some financial gaps around here. I am 26 and way past being a child. But isn’t it so annoying to have this inner knowing scream at you and for you to do nothing about it, or now know it and just don’t see how you can put more time into it while still making money? Much needed money at that.
Sometimes I have to sit back and place my hand on my stomach and say, what are you trying to tell me? It can’t be just “these jobs aren’t for you” jolts. I’ll get to the bottom of it.
I feel I have gotten over my initial disgust with service work. I’ve heard things being suggested to me like being a nurse or therapist, and the alike. But these are things that were suggested based on their best judgment and what they could see in me. I am not interested in the traditional, professional paradigm of business. Or traditional care work. But I still have a desire to help people. I have done so much work on myself and now after experiencing what it’s like to live in truth and wholeness, I just want to give people the nurturing and guidance I wish I had all these years. I have even heard that I need to work for myself and be my own boss. I didn’t take this seriously before, thinking that I was going to have to run a business from a typical brick-and-mortar standpoint. But I see how limited that thinking was. It doesn’t have to be anything like that. I thought maybe I was going to have to bring in employees and boss them around. But maybe it can be a party of “one” for now. I don’t know much about writing and blogging but I know it will be used to share my experience and guidance. Hopefully to help people see things from a different stance and help train them into being their own leaders and personal healers.
I decided I want (and need) a new job. What should I turn to? How far should I go? Should I travel 20 minutes? 40? What town?? And who would hire me? Do I need cover letters? I want to get out of customer service but I don’t want to sell myself short? What about my blog? I almost want to delete it but I already put 30-something dollars into it, I better find SOMETHING to talk about. I don’t know what’s its purpose anymore. I don’t even like the way I write, would I read me?
Yesterday I found myself feeling suddenly stressed out with everything. I washed a lot of clothes and needed to put them away instead of stuffing them everywhere. I should washing dishes so my no one thinks I’m getting lazy around here. I need to cook, I don’t want my vegetables to spoil. I don’t want to feel like I’m not doing anything, so why I’m I sitting here?
I want to move and don’t know where to go. What’s going on??
I don’t know.
When I first created my blog, I had an indefinite vision. It was going to be spiritual based info. But now?
I have reached an interesting point of my spirituality. A point where I feel very comfortable calling it the end.
For several years, I have been obsessed with finding out the meaning of life, what goes on in the invisible worlds, trying to heal myself from anything unsavory that pops up, and et cetera. But this week, hardly no meditating, no woo-woo stuffies to read about, and I finally got around to going through my music files and using my iPod for what it was meant to do, playing the damn music. I danced around, sweating and mouthing the words like I used to do. Softly singing whenever it came out of me. In my head I was the dancing machine, like I used to see myself. It was nice, I haven’t done it in a long time.
It is nice to feel like the human being that I am, not thinking about ascension. Not being anal about quiet time. Not thinking about being the perfect vessel for humanity, or not even worry about doing my best–just being myself.Read More »
I signed into a messenger app for the first time in a while. I wanted to touch base with a friend, the one friend I have added on this thing. We started talking and I was enjoying it, it is always nice to hear from him. We talk casually for an hour or so, and then he asked me the golden question:
I’m going to come before I fall asleep, do you want to watch or not?