Relaxing Without Goals and Revisiting Purpose

I’ve been getting a workout from this new hire at work. As they say, she’s a good kid. Very talkative though. VERY. TALKATIVE.

She is someone that has mounds of potential (I think I used mound right) and could stand to use some polishing and guidance. But every time I turn around she has something to say: to me, customers, her family when they come, etc. Sometimes all I can think is wooow, you sho’ talk a lot. She seems to think out loud and can easily jump from topic to topic. Very extraverted.

I’m not used to it.

It can be refreshing though. One night she got my attention when she was talking about her being sensitive—oh, she will also notify people when they might hurt her feelings. Its a little annoying but I think it’s best to talk about it, which is what I told her. She’s also a teenager, so I want to be delicate sometimes as I remember how I was at that age. As we were walking around she was saying how much she hates that about herself, the sensitivity, and how she wishes she could change that. Talking about how someone can accuse her of doing or saying something she knows she didn’t do and even though she knows that, she still will think damn “well did I say it? Did I do it? I really hate that about myself.”

At that moment, I wanted to say something. I did, but it wasn’t as eloquent as I wanted. There are millions of thoughts that surround this topic for me. I did tell her she just¬† hasn’t mastered herself yet, and that is true, among other things. She seemed to understand me some.


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Small Update

In “inspiration for my people that need to start knowing first move etiquette” news, R2 has talked to me first not once BUT TWICE. She even poked a funny. I’m #shooketh.


Progress, it happens. Still ain’t holding my breath but it was something.

Jobs Thoughts and Such

After feeling very uncertain and lost, I think I know for sure (as of right now) what I want to do. But the road is still full of questions.

Ever since I got my license and first started looking for jobs years ago, there was always a feeling of total “UGH” jolting in my stomach when I’d even just think about going to one of those job sites. This intense feeling of dissatisfaction and hindrance. Sure, no one really likes looking for jobs. But it was always this immediate knowing inside of me that was saying, you weren’t meant to live this. No, this isn’t for you. I’ve tried to ignore it for the most part. I still have bills and while I live with my family, they’re also in retirement age after working pretty much all their lives, so while I’m aiming to eventually move, I also feel I must pick up some financial gaps around here. I am 26 and way past being a child. But isn’t it so annoying to have this inner knowing scream at you and for you to do nothing about it, or now know it and just don’t see how you can put more time into it while still making money? Much needed money at that.

Sometimes I have to sit back and place my hand on my stomach and say,¬† what are you trying to tell me? It can’t be just “these jobs aren’t for you” jolts. I’ll get to the bottom of it.

I feel I have gotten over my initial disgust with service work. I’ve heard things being suggested to me like being a nurse or therapist, and the alike. But these are things that were suggested based on their best judgment and what they could see in me. I am not interested in the traditional, professional paradigm of business. Or traditional care work. But I still have a desire to help people. I have done so much work on myself and now after experiencing what it’s like to live in truth and wholeness, I just want to give people the nurturing and guidance I wish I had all these years. I have even heard that I need to work for myself and be my own boss. I didn’t take this seriously before, thinking that I was going to have to run a business from a typical brick-and-mortar standpoint. But I see how limited that thinking was. It doesn’t have to be anything like that. I thought maybe I was going to have to bring in employees and boss them around. But maybe it can be a party of “one” for now. I don’t know much about writing and blogging but I know it will be used to share my experience and guidance. Hopefully to help people see things from a different stance and help train them into being their own leaders and personal healers.

The Woes Of Making The First Move

Are you someone that general doesn’t mind making the first move?

Are you someone that is generally tired of making the first move? Like I am?

When I say “make the first move,” I don’t mean with everything and always in a romantic setting. It can be with a potential friend, making plans, calling someone first–you get the idea. With me, I find myself making the first move whenever there’s some sort of…strange intensity.

Take this one woman, I’ll call her R2. Read More »

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing.

I decided I want (and need) a new job. What should I turn to? How far should I go? Should I travel 20 minutes? 40? What town?? And who would hire me? Do I need cover letters? I want to get out of customer service but I don’t want to sell myself short? What about my blog? I almost want to delete it but I already put 30-something dollars into it, I better find SOMETHING to talk about. I don’t know what’s its purpose anymore. I don’t even like the way I write, would I read me?

Yesterday I found myself feeling suddenly stressed out with everything. I washed a lot of clothes and needed to put them away instead of stuffing them everywhere. I should washing dishes so my no one thinks I’m getting lazy around here. I need to cook, I don’t want my vegetables to spoil. I don’t want to feel like I’m not doing anything, so why I’m I sitting here?

I want to move and don’t know where to go. What’s going on??

I don’t know.

When I first created my blog, I had an indefinite vision. It was going to be spiritual based info. But now?

What is spirituality?Read More »