I’ve been getting a workout from this new hire at work. As they say, she’s a good kid. Very talkative though. VERY. TALKATIVE.
She is someone that has mounds of potential (I think I used mound right) and could stand to use some polishing and guidance. But every time I turn around she has something to say: to me, customers, her family when they come, etc. Sometimes all I can think is wooow, you sho’ talk a lot. She seems to think out loud and can easily jump from topic to topic. Very extraverted.
I’m not used to it.
It can be refreshing though. One night she got my attention when she was talking about her being sensitive—oh, she will also notify people when they might hurt her feelings. Its a little annoying but I think it’s best to talk about it, which is what I told her. She’s also a teenager, so I want to be delicate sometimes as I remember how I was at that age. As we were walking around she was saying how much she hates that about herself, the sensitivity, and how she wishes she could change that. Talking about how someone can accuse her of doing or saying something she knows she didn’t do and even though she knows that, she still will think damn “well did I say it? Did I do it? I really hate that about myself.”
At that moment, I wanted to say something. I did, but it wasn’t as eloquent as I wanted. There are millions of thoughts that surround this topic for me. I did tell her she just hasn’t mastered herself yet, and that is true, among other things. She seemed to understand me some.
R2 is slowly and steadily making progress. I’m still shook.
I went to the back to get rung up and already spoke to everyone else back there, but hadn’t seen a pharmacist…up close (I knew she was back there.) So I yelled out “hey to whoever the pharmacist is,” she was on the phone. After some time, guess who moseyed themselves up front to get rang up?
I decided I want (and need) a new job. What should I turn to? How far should I go? Should I travel 20 minutes? 40? What town?? And who would hire me? Do I need cover letters? I want to get out of customer service but I don’t want to sell myself short? What about my blog? I almost want to delete it but I already put 30-something dollars into it, I better find SOMETHING to talk about. I don’t know what’s its purpose anymore. I don’t even like the way I write, would I read me?
Yesterday I found myself feeling suddenly stressed out with everything. I washed a lot of clothes and needed to put them away instead of stuffing them everywhere. I should washing dishes so my no one thinks I’m getting lazy around here. I need to cook, I don’t want my vegetables to spoil. I don’t want to feel like I’m not doing anything, so why I’m I sitting here?
I want to move and don’t know where to go. What’s going on??
I don’t know.
When I first created my blog, I had an indefinite vision. It was going to be spiritual based info. But now?
My heart hears a familiar call. A call to return, a call to listen. I turn off the tv and take a deep breath. Putting my hand on my stomach, I let my inner ear in tune itself to the invisible world that is my body, both the physical and the etheric. My mind starts to clear itself and I feel all the different sides of me returning to its original state of oneness. I drop all the screaming sensations and invite all to the quiet pleasure that is softly focusing the void space. My heart beating like a soft drum, if I focus on it long enough I can easily feel it. My breathing becomes slow and steady, I try to remind myself not to breathe too rough otherwise, it distracts me. The heavenly silence in the living room. I keep my eyes closed and savor all that isn’t in motion.
This is as about as “prayed up” as I get. That and my random talking to myself.
I don’t even remember the last time where I have formally gotten on my knees to pray. I suppose it’s been a few years now, maybe 2 or 3 years. I always knew I was being heard, that wasn’t even a concern.