The Woes Of Making The First Move

Are you someone that general doesn’t mind making the first move?

Are you someone that is generally tired of making the first move? Like I am?

When I say “make the first move,” I don’t mean with everything and always in a romantic setting. It can be with a potential friend, making plans, calling someone first–you get the idea. With me, I find myself making the first move whenever there’s some sort of…strange intensity.

Take this one woman, I’ll call her R2. Read More »

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing.

I decided I want (and need) a new job. What should I turn to? How far should I go? Should I travel 20 minutes? 40? What town?? And who would hire me? Do I need cover letters? I want to get out of customer service but I don’t want to sell myself short? What about my blog? I almost want to delete it but I already put 30-something dollars into it, I better find SOMETHING to talk about. I don’t know what’s its purpose anymore. I don’t even like the way I write, would I read me?

Yesterday I found myself feeling suddenly stressed out with everything. I washed a lot of clothes and needed to put them away instead of stuffing them everywhere. I should washing dishes so my no one thinks I’m getting lazy around here. I need to cook, I don’t want my vegetables to spoil. I don’t want to feel like I’m not doing anything, so why I’m I sitting here?

I want to move and don’t know where to go. What’s going on??

I don’t know.

When I first created my blog, I had an indefinite vision. It was going to be spiritual based info. But now?

What is spirituality?Read More »

June 15 – Now What?


I have reached an interesting point of my spirituality. A point where I feel very comfortable calling it the end.

For several years, I have been obsessed with finding out the meaning of life, what goes on in the invisible worlds, trying to heal myself from anything unsavory that pops up, and et cetera. But this week, hardly no meditating, no woo-woo stuffies to read about, and I finally got around to going through my music files and using my iPod for what it was meant to do, playing the damn music. I danced around, sweating and mouthing the words like I used to do. Softly singing whenever it came out of me. In my head I was the dancing machine, like I used to see myself. It was nice, I haven’t done it in a long time.

It is nice to feel like the human being that I am, not thinking about ascension. Not being anal about quiet time. Not thinking about being the perfect vessel for humanity, or not even worry about doing my best–just being myself.Read More »

Evolution of God

My heart hears a familiar call. A call to return, a call to listen. I turn off the tv and take a deep breath. Putting my hand on my stomach, I let my inner ear in tune itself to the invisible world that is my body, both the physical and the etheric. My mind starts to clear itself and I feel all the different sides of me returning to its original state of oneness. I drop all the screaming sensations and invite all to the quiet pleasure that is softly focusing the void space. My heart beating like a soft drum, if I focus on it long enough I can easily feel it. My breathing becomes slow and steady, I try to remind myself not to breathe too rough otherwise, it distracts me. The heavenly silence in the living room. I keep my eyes closed and savor all that isn’t in motion.

This is as about as “prayed up” as I get. That and my random talking to myself.

I don’t even remember the last time where I have formally gotten on my knees to pray. I suppose it’s been a few years now, maybe 2 or 3 years. I always knew I was being heard, that wasn’t even a concern.

August 2011:

Read More »

May 24 – Out With the Old, In With the New

One track mind.

I signed into a messenger app for the first time in a while. I wanted to touch base with a friend, the one friend I have added on this thing. We started talking and I was enjoying it, it is always nice to hear from him. We talk casually for an hour or so, and then he asked me the golden question:

I’m going to come before I fall asleep, do you want to watch or not?

come on.

And that is why I don’t sign in anymore.Read More »